 I said to Dale "I can't think about what to write for the last post of September!" And he grinned and jokingly said "ME!". But I replied "That's not a bad idea". I have no idea if he remembers that conversation or not - but hey - this one's for you! How many artists, creatives and self employed business owners couldn't do what they do - or have started out - without their second in command? I sneakily took the above picture - we'd gone out in search of (another) September birthday gift and some groceries. And came back with groceries... and canvases. One so big I could barely carry it. Hence the photo. But it encapsulates it perfectly. The quiet support alongside making whatever it is you do that keeps you going when you've got nothing left. It's our anniversary on Sunday - so Happy Anniversary you wonderful man. I think of how many other people out there were able to make the leap supported by the person (and people) who love them. Through all the money worries and meltdowns and moments of doubt. I set up ZDAAP again in March after a long, long time of not getting anywhere with interviews. I could not have done it without him. I remember asking him early on - "you believe me right? - I've got this - I'm gonna make it happen" and he said "Zoe, if I didn't believe in you - you'd be working in a supermarket right now". (this is by no means meant as a disrespect to supermarket workers - it just meant - you'd have chucked it in and gone back to job searching if I didn't believe in you.) Anyway - it's a blue post it stuck in my prereferral vision to a board. We went to see an art exhibition early on in the revamp. That's when I truly knew he was onboard team support. Absolute trust that we get this thing going and don't let go until it supports us both one day. We saw an exhibition of work that proved it was possible - I think we all need regular injections of that to stave off the doubt demons.  So, thank you. Thanks for being you. Thanks for being the best office partner around the corner. Thanks for the coffee. Thanks for the tea. Thank you for keeping us afloat whilst I've been building steadily. Thanks for your honest comments and for saving your high praise for when you really like something. Thanks for the logic to balance out the chaos. Thank you for the following comments on my recent work: "It makes me want to play Skyrim" "It looks like a portal out of Minecraft" "It looks like something out of the Witcher" Dale I am sensing a theme here. To the supportive partners and families out there - we salute you. |
 | It's not a huge improvement but I have noticed changes. I'm less hesitant in making first sketch impressions and I pause longer before going in on details. It's only small but I can see how continuing the 'practice' will (I say will because therefore I intend to continue) improve my sketch skills tenfold. Once I stopped trying to make each doodle perfect things were allowed to flow better. I am well aware I should have a practice each day as part of being an artist. The truth is I do lose a lot of time to admin, life stuff and let's face it - the doom scroll too. I've been slowly and steadily trying to carve more room out of my days for things that pay off in the long run - I'm playing the long game here. So adding a practice of sketching is part of that. Having the book with me is very helpful - also that I thankfully love to sketch in biro like a maniac. But - no room for hesitation - get in there with the lines and deal with it if it goes wrong. Watch this space. |
No one cares.
 | One of the things I think in recent years - possibly since the pandemic and being 'released' back into the world is feeling at ease around other people. At ease enough to whack out a sketchbook and start doodling like it's a completely normal thing to do (it is you just have to reframe your thoughts). I think of that meme of the two guys on the bus - one looks out into the bright sunny sky smiling the other - looks over the road where it is darker and he's feeling down. Same bus. You can let your thoughts about everything run you into the ground - or you can follow the things that bring you joy and skill and a different perspective. So when I say 'no one cares' - you can take that to mean 'oh, god, no one cares about me everything is terrible' - or flip it - 'no one cares if I start sketching on this bus because they're all up in their own brains too'. Maybe just don't go staring people down - they don't tend to like that. |
The pressure is off.
 | The pressures off. There I said it. No perfect scribbles. No pressure to post it. No pressure to finish it. In fact - don't finish it. I actively dare you. Start a fresh new page right in the middle of a drawing. This is why you bought 4 sketchbooks that were £2. |
It has served as a journal and idea pad.
 | I try to journal every day anyway - I ask one line from myself as minimum (it's like a brain hack that works 75% of the time you end up writing more). But I noticed that I started doodling more in my regular journal since picking this up again. I often find putting thoughts into picture form much more effective for myself. But also I found myself documenting little moments I'd probably forget by the end of the day because I had my sketchbook on me. All the stuff that gets washed over with a million other thoughts. I was listening to Creative Peptalk (surprised? No? Do I ever shut up about this podcast?) and once again Andy J had read my mind and done an episode which I listened to a few days after starting the process. Anyway - he's a big advocate for doodling to stay present when you're a busy brain individual. It's helped a lot in some moments. |
Mostly it's been like returning to myself.
 |  |
Re-watching Only Yesterday made me think about how much I used to draw as a kid.
I prided myself on the stack of sketchbooks full of work - I always used to get this uniform black A5 ring-bound sketchbook.
I changed it up when I eventually moved medium to watercolour.
But the point is - I took it a lot of places with me.
I drew in all sorts of places.
I drew to stay present.
After all it's the best time my brain feels quiet.
And it costs me £2.
I prided myself on the stack of sketchbooks full of work - I always used to get this uniform black A5 ring-bound sketchbook.
I changed it up when I eventually moved medium to watercolour.
But the point is - I took it a lot of places with me.
I drew in all sorts of places.
I drew to stay present.
After all it's the best time my brain feels quiet.
And it costs me £2.
I'd love so much if you'd join me as a subscriber-
help me get to 1000!
help me get to 1000!
This is the last piece I made without making a behind the scenes video or any lead up.
It was also the first.
And that kinda makes my head swirl - so I'm gonna take a break and come back to this one.
It was also the first.
And that kinda makes my head swirl - so I'm gonna take a break and come back to this one.
One weekend in a field later.
I think as soon as the camera stops feeling like sharing work and starts feeling like 1984 - you have permission to turn it off.
We are in an era of documenting everything-
An era of information overload without feeling much better for it.
We are in an era of documenting everything-
An era of information overload without feeling much better for it.
I constantly stop myself to ask these 2 questions:
1. Is there a benefit to me filming this?
2. Would I be painting better with the camera off?
Because there can be a lot of benefit!
Filming the process invites people into the studio.
Showing the process helps people see beyond the 'finished piece' through all the steps to get there.
Art fills a void for things left unsaid or things unable to verbalise - showing the process helps to build the story.
But the other side is - would I be painting better without a camera on me?
I've found in the last collection I've been working on I simply don't want the camera on.
I'm mad or I'm sad and honestly I just want to work without witness.
Obviously, there's nothing forcing me to post it.
Ironically I am planning to make a video about why there the last 2 paintings in the Archway Series don't really have a long speed paint compared to the first.
But there is something to be said about the invisible judge in your space when you'd rather there not be.
It feels a bit like micromanaging yourself.
Filming the process invites people into the studio.
Showing the process helps people see beyond the 'finished piece' through all the steps to get there.
Art fills a void for things left unsaid or things unable to verbalise - showing the process helps to build the story.
But the other side is - would I be painting better without a camera on me?
I've found in the last collection I've been working on I simply don't want the camera on.
I'm mad or I'm sad and honestly I just want to work without witness.
Obviously, there's nothing forcing me to post it.
Ironically I am planning to make a video about why there the last 2 paintings in the Archway Series don't really have a long speed paint compared to the first.
But there is something to be said about the invisible judge in your space when you'd rather there not be.
It feels a bit like micromanaging yourself.
So, what are you doing about it?
Well, I'm assessing.
All the time.
What feels right and what feels invasive.
I'm looking at launching my Patreon in the future.
It's been sitting around since my relaunch.
Patreon is more of a cool club for the people who are here to support and actually want to see your process.
It's just the calling into the void and wondering if people would be interested.
But maybe it's about calling into the right void.
All the time.
What feels right and what feels invasive.
I'm looking at launching my Patreon in the future.
It's been sitting around since my relaunch.
Patreon is more of a cool club for the people who are here to support and actually want to see your process.
It's just the calling into the void and wondering if people would be interested.
But maybe it's about calling into the right void.
I sit and think about those artists who don't use social media.
The one's who never got a chance.
The one's who vehemently don't use it on purpose.
I wonder if it would be too quiet without it.
Or if I'd simply give myself more time.
The one's who never got a chance.
The one's who vehemently don't use it on purpose.
I wonder if it would be too quiet without it.
Or if I'd simply give myself more time.
How do you feel documenting your process?
I heard your feedback!
and here they are in all their glory.
And since this is a blog - and you're here - I thought you might like to hear a little about each one!
 Painting her encapsulated all the feelings of turning 30 for me. I'd had the photos taken in May and not done too much with them apart from keeping them for myself. But I knew there was a painting in there somewhere. King by Florence ATM kept popping up and it was everything I was feeling too at the time - "I am no mother, I am no bride - I am King." Not married, no kids - just as I am - trying to work out what that means every day through using painting to help. Letting women be magnificent in their own right and feel their own power as an entity devoid of everything else that claims them. I love the orange - its so bright and deep. You can watch the making of video on my Instagram. I started making more long form over at YouTube but this was before I decided to start doing that. I hope you enjoy her. She hangs in my living room in the corner amongst a monsterra that keeps threatening to take over the tv. | Shedding, 2024.I painted Shedding from a reference taken by the wonderful Mon (@whatmonloves) whom I cannot WAIT to shoot with again soon. Let me set the scene. It was the hot sort of summery day that threatens to burst into rain simply for a moments peace. We had switched outfits from a bright yellow summer dress to this autumnal silk-style gown and the heavens opened. And I mean they went for it. So we danced in the rain and the water puddled into tiny lakes and ponds and the mud made its way up bare feet like earthen socks. This motion was captured in a leaning back flick of wet hair into a sunbeam. Because as soon as it started raining it stopped. And the most incredible thing happened. The water started to evaporate and this mist followed us for the rest of the shoot as the warmth of skin met with moisture. It was ethereal. I'd been talking about surrender on and off with different people so much it felt like a theme. And there was something about that moment that felt so powerful. Surrendering to the elements. Accepting the storm. Basking in the vapour. Letting go of the year so far - breathing into the second half.
 |
Forget Me Not, 2025.Forget me Not is the final piece in the Forest Collection. We'd gone reference shooting - Hannah and I - in the same forest as the one above. I was looking for interesting shapes amongst the woods - it was March - and there in proof that Hannah must love me because it was not a warm day. The whole set is a elegy on death. Dying flowers frozen in time. Waiting and saying good bye. The slow decay of nature and how sometimes we go inside ourselves to hibernate for a while - hoping people remember us when we're ready to return. I wanted to mix the macabre with the beautiful. This one reminds me of really old Disney background paintings from the films like the forest in sleeping beauty. I went on a real journey with it. At one point I literally removed it's 'easel privileges' and started painting it on top of my trolley instead. |  |
 | They are in a 3 because 3 is sacred and a good balance. The 3 fates. Maiden, mother, crone. Birth, Life, Death. Alone they do stand but together they create the forest. I'll take this moment to thank Hannah for being the first model since I reset my business - she has always been there. |
 | The Archway, 2025.Some paintings will have ya. I'd like to start by saying this painting is one I have re-painted over MANY times. Her face eluded me so often I had to wait until the others were almost done to try again. This is the first image that came to me when I was working with Harriet. I wanted to revisit Dale Abbey and I knew this would make such a striking picture. The full narrative is on it's way and I am excited to share it. We just have some refining to do so far. My favourite part are the whisper like mysterious lines pulling forwards from the arch. I added them last of all. They snake through like arms or branches and one almost stops her way - but she pushes forwards. I keep turning around as I write this to see the original and the accompanying 3 and I am proud of their existence! Shimmering, bold and rich with colour. All from some sketches in a book of shapes I'd like to capture. Harriet - thank you for braving bringing the sword! Look what has been created! |
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My names Zoe, I'm an artist. I make art and hope to spread creative positivity wherever I go. Here's a deeper dive into what I'm up to.
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