Keep Calm and Carry on -

even when you hit the 'I hate it' wall.

I'm at it - I've reached the:

"Oh god, I hate it. I can't paint. I want to give up. WhAT HAve I cREAATED."

stage of the process.

This is the part I often allow myself to turn off the camera filming my bts content so I can just be.
My face looks like this usually at this point:

Hilariously - if you get your Sherlock Holmes on - you can see I hadn't even started the face at the point I took this - which means I've been at this point... a while.
​
I am not about to very serious in this blog post.
I am clearly writing this to avoid painting the painting on my easel.

Why does it happen?

What do I do?

Does it always work?

​Why does it happen?

My theory is that my head is full of gremlins that purely thrive on the lifeblood of anxiety and stress.
They are subdued by calm, peaceful painting - but the moment things start to move towards the messy middle - they are alerted.

Ears prick.

Snouts sniff.

Evil grins spread across their little faces as they eye each other to gather.

This is their moment.
​
As one united army they arrive to the brain centre and begin their war cries.
A brain gremlins war cry, though united in feeling, is chaotic in delivery.
They all yell at once- different iterations of panic, hate, misery.
They have been waiting all week for this.
Meditation kept them at bay.
So did that lovely walk and that fussing of a dog.
​But they have their moment to shine at last and they want to take full use of the opportunity.

(What do you mean your head isn't full of gremlins.
I'd go see the GP mate.)

​What do I do?

I was born understanding a gremlins war cry so well- I thought myself part gremlin.
But one day I was gifted a mirror and saw I had no snout.
No pointy ears.
And when I grinned - I was not evil.
A warriors heart non the less - but a gremlin I was not.
Armed with this new information I began to see the strategy of the gremlin nation.

I observed the war cry and the cult-like nature of the gremlins.
Stood aside and saw that what they yelled was not truth.
Gremlins fear peace and calm.
For in the peace and calm their very own inner demons take over.
Like a vicious cycle of misinformation and chaos.

I decided on a new movement - I would listen to each gremlin - a third party.
I would stamp it out with the angry gremlins.
Cry with the sad gremlins.
Breathe deep with the panicked ones.

Sometimes we blasted angry music and painted anyway.
Sometimes we took a nap.
But I stopped hating the gremlins. 

​Does it always work?

Gremlins are great at what they do.
They're loud,
They're proud and
they're excellent tacticians.
They're a practiced army that protects by keeping things small.
Even armed with my new 'I'm not a part of this' mentality - some days they won.

We keep a big scoreboard in the break room - it's waist height so they can reach it.
I'd say I'm winning this year - but honestly, I think they're cheating.

Zoe, why the hell did you write this?

Sometimes you gotta shake up the fear of failure with a little absurdity.

Sometimes you gotta remind yourself you don't have to take everything seriously.

I'm keeping the first piece from The Archway Series close by to help me remember I can do it.
When the gremlins tell me "YoU Got it RIGht thatttt time"
I say "Guys, pipe down - that's a finished piece. Go make some coffee or something".

Zoe, take me away from the gremlins